Grieving Summertime

As I approach the summer season, I do my grieving now.  It's fair.  There are going to be things about summertime that I will miss.  And I've led enough summer teams to know that when I'm in the middle of it, I will love it and it will all be worth it.  But, I also remember what it was like to not be a summer camp director.  To go to the beach, ride my bike, run the lakeshore, go to festivals every weekend.... 

I'm an extrovert.  I live to be where the people are.  I only like restaurants that have 2 hour waits. Seriously.  So, you're not expecting me to say that I just want stay home with my flowers this summer, right?  I want to have time to garden.  I want to tend to my soil, sketch plans for full-summer blooming, grow organic fruits and vegetables...maybe even wear a floppy hat.
  
If you've never been thrilled to the very edges of your soul by a flower in spring bloom, maybe your soul has never been in bloom.  ~Terri Guillemets

I went out in my yard and took this picture today.  The first bloom of spring.



And then, I came full circle in my idea of grieving summertime.  What if this was all I needed to see-the first bloom?  And what if blooming isn't about the flower after all? What if it's really meant just to show us how to do it in our lives?  

My soul is in bloom.  I will tend to that.  That can travel anywhere.  I will honor my Creator with new inspiration.

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Sharpening The Axe

Abraham Lincoln once said, "Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe." 

This is what is before me.  Another summer as a camp director with SpringHill.  A large tree to be chopped down.  

Spring is spent sharpening the axe.  I do this professionally (oh, the long hours- we won't go there) and personally.

Today, I'll focus on nesting.  I truly believe it's a thing.  And that it's actually not limited to women about to give birth.  This season for me very much parallels welcoming a new child. It's all-consuming, sleep-depriving and can be isolating.  My thoughts can't be selfish, my needs have to be last, my strength has to be steadfast as others are depending on me to take care of them.

But oh, the reward.  And instead of just one child, it's many.  8,000 predicted at Day Camps. I know some of you think I'm crazy.  This season I keep doing.  This life I keep living.  But 8,000 children.

So, let me invite you into the nesting.  Here's what I've been up to.

When you nest, you have to change things. Even in your favorite room. How lucky am I that I found an amazing color of spray paint and some stray things just waiting to be rescued in my basement? I took two empty frames, an old basket, and two sconces and updated them in the new color for spring.  I also found fun fabric from hobby lobby and recovered the two old chairs under the sconces.  I didn't yet get to re-finishing one of them.  Let's be honest, it probably won't happen before summer. 




Nesting means getting your stuff together.  Being prepared for disaster. Did you know that last Friday was national "back it up" day?  Yeah, that threw me into a panic, too.  I ditched my plans, pressed play on "24," got to work organizing all my e-files and put them into dropbox.  Freedom!  I feel so much better.  And inspired. Saturday I spent the rainy day cleaning the actual piles of paper in my home office as well. 

Nesting must involve getting rid of what you don't need. Look at my ever-growing to-sell/give-away stash that lives in a corner of my dining room. I think this week I might actually start taking things to the mission and learn more about selling books on amazon. Any tips?

And nesting should always involve baking.  Even with my weird restrictions. This gluten free/sugar free/dairy free thing has been challenging.  And I miss my pancakes.  Enter my new favorite mix.  Superior pancakes, even if you don't have to eat gluten free. 


"I will prepare and some day my chance will come."
-Abraham Lincoln

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Should You Go to Grad School?

Sometimes, you get to be a part of something that feels so important, so meaningful, so much greater than you are that it will always be remembered as your once in a lifetime.

That's how I feel about my time spent at The Erikson Institute.  Erikson was not only where I went to graduate school.  It's where I came to understand my place in something greater.

I have a colleague who thinks that graduate school is a waste of money.  He believes that  you can learn everything you need to know online or in print.  Let me say this: I do believe you can become a lot smarter by being an avid reader.  However, in my opinion, you pay to go to the best grad school so that you can sit in the room with the smartest people in your field.  You set yourself up to have personal relationships with professors that are top researchers, will provide you with reflective supervision and will take an interest in your career.  And at the core of "sitting in the room with the smartest people" are the other students.  I wanted to be a shared learner, friend and future collaborator with the most intelligent, diverse group of students possible.  

Those were my intentions.  To get smarter.  And to find a high paying job in a field I loved (oops- should have picked a different field).  But it became so much more.  I couldn't help but be caught up in the wonder of the multi-disciplinary approach.  The faculty at Erikson are not only teaching; they are producing leading research that is impacting policies and programs, spearheading community initiatives and new schools and providing direct services to families in need. 

Yes, I left Erikson with a great education, relationships with smart people, and an attractive job offer at Loyola.  But more importantly, I left with increased vision, purpose and resolve to do what's right in the lives of kids and their families.

Sometimes I'll take the hard road, make risky career choices, push people to have dialogues and make changes that they weren't ready for.  But I've been set on a course that is right, is needed, is in my heart and has been nurtured.  And I'm forever grateful.





Photos were taken on a recent visit to The Erikson Institute.  A special thanks to Stephanie Bynum who took me on a tour of the new building and spent time collaborating with me on a special project.

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Why I'm Scared to Get Married

The list is kind of long, actually.  But the God I worship is a healer, so I do believe He will take my jaded, messed up self and weave it into a beautiful story.

But then I might break all the "rules" and just live with him.  Because really I'm scared of the actual wedding. It's not what you think.  My greatest fear is that we'll throw a great big party and people won't get along.

I've carefully selected my friends to be VERY different from each other.  The professors, the artists, the brilliant business minds, the stay-at-home moms (and dads!), the college students, the lawyers, the retail workers, the camp people, the atheists, the Jesus-followers, the people that think Rob Bell is going to Hell, the people that think those people are viewing the Gospel all wrong...

So you can see why I'm scared of a fight breaking out.  But, I'm going to keep doing it. Collecting these people and calling them friends.  I'm living out what I was made to do.

I think I knew this from a young age.  Even in my 99% white town, I sought to be best friends with the kids that were different than me.  During her time in the US, Hana Ee opened my little eyes to the wonders of sleeping on mats, Japanese cooking, and women that actually wore kimonos.  And when Joyce arrived from Puerto Rico to live in my neighbor's basement, she blessed my life with her Spanish and dancing and large family.  Both girls returned home before I was in 3rd grade.  But I'll never forget what they gave me.

Don't think I'm all- aren't I awesome and friends with everyone- here.  I'm ashamed of the way I went against what God created me to do.  In high school, college, and often since then, I've succumbed to that peer pressure of having a friend group that looks like you and talks like you.  I'm ashamed I wasted years.  And hurt people.  And didn't live the story I was created for.

But my God had bigger plans for my life.  My friends, and their crazy, varied, lovely stories have revealed new worlds and truths.  They've shaped me. 

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What Defines My Days

I'm entering into the season of my job that has me working most Sundays.  And so I CRAVE days "apart".  I yearn for the next vacation.  But if you follow my blog or facebook, you realize that I'm one of the most vacated people alive.


Here's my philosophy.  Vacations help me remember who I am.  I'm still desperately trying to determine how to live my daily life with rhythm despite a job of many colors and the passionate pursuit of volunteering and social excitement.

Days apart define the rest of my days. 

I love what Eugene Peterson says about sabbath and vacations in an interview he did with Peter Santucci:

Holy days are a background rhythm for your life that you fit the rest of your life into.  You don't take a day off; you take a day apart.  The Sabbath defines the rest of the days.  That's a totally different way of viewing time than our culture views it.

It's not easy.  It requires long training and persistent determination.  But ultimately it's easier to live this way than to live fragmented, crazy.

One of the things we experience when we live this way is that we become integrated without even trying. 

When people take-- to use the secular word--vacations, they slow down.  They are leisurely.  They spend their time talking.  They relax.  They find that they're capable of it.  People don't go on vacations to get integrated, but they go on one and become integrated. Integration is a by-product.  You don't go looking for it; it happens. 

The beauty is that once you experience moments like this, you can't go back to your crazy life.  You have to breathe differently. 



 
For more on my trip to Bali, Indonesia, see this post. Life-altering.

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This American Life: Filters and Beard Charts

I have a full life.  Like many Americans, I feel like I'm on the perpetual treadmill and the speed is accidentally getting faster and faster.

When the speed gets too fast, what do you do?  Jump off?  Are you able to keep up?

I've decided that in order to keep up with the important things, I need to apply personal filters.  I'm trying to shred the things that hold me back from reaching my potential. 

One of the filters I applied was TV.  I canceled my cable and even my basic stations.

But, I'm not that hardcore.  I bought Apple TV.  For a one-time price of $99 plus your monthly Netflix subscription, you can instantly stream a large number of movies and TV shows.  And, if you really need to watch something new, you can also stream from the itunes store (recent recommendations: The Town and Inception).

Love the TV filter.  Commercials are gone.  So is channel surfing...and landing on something worthless.  And, for some reason, I've become documentary girl.  I've found buckets of Apple TV options (including podcasts) that allow for critical thinking.  Never.going.back.to.cable.

So, it was the filter that ultimately led me to the beard chart.  Brilliant.  Have you seen Showtime's "This American Life?"  If not, you need to watch "God's Close-Up" about a Mormon painter who uses atheist, bearded men as his models for religious scenes.  I'd love to know your thoughts on this episode.  Any Ira Glass listeners/viewers out there?



You can watch the full episode instantly on Netflix free with your monthly subscription, or on itunes for $1.99.

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Expired Drug Problem

You probably don't have a drawer that looks like this:I mean, I cleaned it out last year. Along with it's companion closet. Once perfectly organized, it then turned into this:I'll admit. My storage space is enviable. But you know the rule--Have space, will fill it. Or is it--See a mega-sale on lotion, must buy it? Anyway, clutter stresses me out. But in the past, I've always carefully organized the clutter, only to have it end up looking like someone tried to steal all my diamonds again (nope, no diamonds).

Enter the book, The Joy of Less. It's an Amazon Top 10 of 2010. Miss Minimalist taught me something that I kind of knew but never applied to my bathroom before. You're supposed to completely empty the room and take the contents somewhere else. Then, only the things you love/need can come back in. This is totally embarrassing, people. Is there a support group for this? Toiletry hoarders?I had some major piles going: Keep, Trash, Recycle, Give-Away, DRUG Disposal (it also seems I have an expired drug problem). In just a little over an hour (while watching netflix), my closet was reclaimed and I had the joy of less. Ah, white space.Oh, and the drawer? Guess who found enough MAC recyclables to get her free lip gloss? :) But, in keeping with the new rules, when one new lip gloss comes into the home, one needs to leave. Just so you know how I'll keep the pretty white space. Allow me to put the joking aside for a moment. Having less and consuming less is a deeply spiritual movement in my heart. I'm not even sure how all this crap got here. But I don't want it. And I'm taking measures to stop it.

After I did the bathroom clean-sweep, I went over to the little girl I love's house. She doesn't even have a couch. I'm blessed. And guilty.

Do you think I kept too many necklaces? Really.

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30 x 30 (30 Things I Want to be About in My 30's)

I'm not much into New Year's Resolutions. Usually, I think they make people feel bad about themselves in February. But, while I was on vacation, I spent a lot of time thinking about living life with intention.

This fall, our SpringHill Day Camps team re-visited the vision we'd committed to and the specific goals we had set in 2008. We were actually blown away. Our vision and goals look so tiny compared to what God has actually done. But they were an incredible starting place. And you know what? Some of what we set out to do at first turned out to be distractions. So we refined and cut them out of our practice. And we're better for it.

I'd highly recommend putting together a list of the things you want to be about--an intentional living list. Keep the vision in front of you. Set daily goals to achieve the bigger picture. Re-adjust when necessary. Be ready to be surprised.

30 Things I Want to Be About in My 30's:

• be a good neighbor
• be mentored/counseled/coached
• become seasoned in sacred pauses and Sabbath
• capture beautiful photography
• collect passport stamps
• continue my education
• develop daily rhythms
• embody a good partner and team-player
• equip future leaders
• give more and be financially healthy
• have less stuff
• improve my Spanish
• invite people into my home
• journey through each day with intentionality and vision
• learn how to cook food that meets my dietary needs
  
• listen to lots of live music
• live with margins
• love on my brothers like crazy
• memorize scripture
• mentor families, not just their kids
• participate in a multi-cultural, multi-socio-economic community
• place filters in my life
• practice humility and grace
• provide a safe, loving home for children
• pursue deep friendships, not thousands of acquaintances
• send thank-you cards
• sit in the homes of people that aren’t like me
• spend time being active outdoors often
• take care of my body
  
• write more

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Habitat Trip 2.27 to 3.7

"When darkness seems to hide His face,
I rest on His unchanging grace.
In every high and stormy gale,
My anchor holds within the veil"



For my 30th birthday, I am going to work with New Orleans Habitat for Humanity to build houses for Katrina Victims. I'm privileged to be working with a group of 25 college students from Grand Valley that are giving up their Spring Breaks to help. Their passion keeps me young!

I'm most excited to pass on the blessing of a dwelling space. When I walked into my new house in September for the first time, I unexpectedly burst into tears. I was overwhelmed by the grace of God and His provisions of a house for me. My hope is that my hammer will swing a little harder (and straighter- that seems to be an issue in my own home) as I have a fresh understanding of home-ownership.

May the work of our human hands be a tangible offering of God's Hope and Love to New Orleans.

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